Sunday, February 19, 2012

Life is good. Let's laugh whenever we can.

The world is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.
                                                                                     - Horace Walpole -
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Doctor: Shall I gave your wife a local anaesthetic?
Businessman: Certainly not. I can afford something imported.
                                            
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A doctor was called in to see a rather testy aristocrat.
"Well, sir, what's the matter?" he asked cheerily.
"That, sir," growled the patient, "is for you to find out."
"I see," said the doctor tought-fully. "Well, if you'll excuse me for an hour or so I'll go along and fetch a friend of mine - a veterinarian. He is the only chap I know who can make a diagnosis without asking questions"
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"What made you marry Daddy, Mummy?"
"So you're beginning to wonder, too!"
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"How's your husband,?" Mrs Mathur asked her friend.
"Pretty well, I think - he works so hard I see him for only about an hour each day,"
"You poor thing," said Mrs. mathur.
"Oh, it's all right, the hour soon passes."
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A not-too-bright candidate for the police force failed in the written exmination. Since he was the Chief's nephew, the examiner decided to go easy on him with oral test.
"Who shot Abraham Lincoln?", asked the examiner.
The candidate pondered for a moment and then asked if he could have some time to come up with the answer. The examioner told him to come back the next morning.
When the would-be recruit went home, his wife asked, "Well, how did it go?. Did you get the job?".
"I think so," he replied."They have already got me working on a case".
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Two employers were talking. Said one: "I fear that young man I employed last week as a cashier is dishonest."
"Oh," replied the other, "you shouln't judge by appearances."
"I'm not. I 'm judging by disappearances!"
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The famous film actor was being analysed.
"Tell me," asked the psychoanalyst, "Do you ever cheat on your wife?"
"Who else?"
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Woman begins by resisting a man's advances, and ends by blocking his retreat.
                                                                             - Oscar Wilde -
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Teacher: "You missed school yesterday, didn't you?"
Pupil: "Not as bit."
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He: "I wonder why women pay more attention to beauty than to brains."
She: "Because no matter how stupid a man is, he is seldom blind."
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Wealth is like sea water; the more we drink, the thirstier we become; the same is true of fame                      - Schopenhauer -
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